Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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