I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
