Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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