I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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