i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
soo... how was my night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
