Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
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he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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