I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
