I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my shit smells like andre
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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