Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
