i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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