So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
