So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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