Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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