accomplished twins. life is a go
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
