Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
