Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
