i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
