'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
