Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
