I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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