R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
