This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
