none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
