i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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