Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
