making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
