do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
