I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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