They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
