HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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