When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
