She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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