I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
