apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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