Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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