I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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