my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
