i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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