I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
