It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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