Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
