I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
