just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
