I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
