I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
