True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
