I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
