What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
