Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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