Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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