Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
