OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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