I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
