what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
