Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
