I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
