So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
