My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
