haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
