yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
