Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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