The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
