If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My ass is underappreciated
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
