honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
