Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
