as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
