Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
