I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
