i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
