There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The best revenge is premature balding
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
