it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
