im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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