My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
