Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
