The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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