I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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