dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
